


Breaking the Habit

by starry_nights88



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Frottage, M/M, Sensuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-27
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-10 20:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starry_nights88/pseuds/starry_nights88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And, maybe, that was why he came when Magnus tugged him closer—why he fell into his ex's arms like a bad habit and you know what they say about those.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He never expected to see him—in fact, Alec Lightwood thought he had done a pretty good job at avoiding him, but it seemed as though the universe had other plans in mind. He had never imagined Magnus would seek him out.

"I want to talk," Magnus had said, reaching out to stop Alec from walking away before the man had never moved.

Alec shook his hand loose, rubbing his arm because Magnus' touch burned. "And what if I don't want to?" He replied bitterly, looking up at the warlock through long, dark eyelashes.

Magnus shifted under his gaze, his gaze flicking away for a moment before meeting Alec's again. "Five minutes, Alexander, _please_. That's all I'm asking for," he replied, his voice surprisingly soft, almost pleading.

It's what made Alec consider sticking around to see what he had to say. Alec worried his lower lip for a moment, frowning in thought before he finally nodded. "Alright," he said. "Five minutes."

His ex didn't start speaking immediately. It surprised Alec, to be honest. He expected Magnus to show up with this grand gesture to win him back. Because if Magnus was anything at all, it was grand, but right now, he was mostly silent.

"Magnus?" He prompted, breaking the silence and Magnus reacted accordingly.

He looked at Alec and, in that moment, he saw a vulnerability in Magnus that he had not seen before. It made his heart twinge and Alec found himself struggling with the urge to comfort, to reach out to Magnus and tell him that everything was going to be alright even though it really, really wasn't. Alec forced himself to look away, he _had_ to because Magnus wasn't supposed to look at him like that.

"It was a mistake," Magnus said, and Alec didn't have to ask what he meant. It was painfully obvious. It was the reason Alec had been avoiding Magnus in the first place and, surely it was the reason Magnus had sought him out now.

Alec let out a sigh and pushed a hand through his hair. "I can't do this," he said softly, his voice trembling slightly as he spoke. "I just _don't_ have it in me to love you anymore. I can't put myself through this. I'm sorry, Magnus, but I can't."

He turned around with the intent to leave, but Magnus reached for him again, grasping his upper arm to stop him from leaving again. "But you _do_ love me," Magnus countered, barely above a whisper, but Alec heard him crystal clear and he didn't deny it.

He _couldn't_ deny it. It was true. It would _always_ be true. He would always love Magnus. 

And, maybe, that was why he came when Magnus tugged him closer—why he fell into his ex's arms like a bad habit and you know what they say about those. Maybe, just maybe, it was also why Alec allowed Magnus to top his chin up and press their lips together.

Being in love with Magnus, Alec would later realize, was also the reason he agreed to go back to Magnus' apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was falling again, with no end in sight as he spiraled out of control and right back into his habit—his bad, bad habit.

Alec frowned deeply as he glanced around the apartment, a look of shocked confusion marring his features as he took in the mismatched furniture and the overall inelegance of the sitting room—all carrying the air of Magnus' apathy. It was so unlike Magnus; who had always taken pride in his apartment and in decorating it, even though it was, more often than not, messy and unorganized. In looks, the apartment was actually homier than it had ever looked before, but it lacked a certain warmth that Alec had grown accustomed to. It was so bad that the shadowhunter found himself wrapping his arms around him, shivering at the phantom cold that touched him as Magnus closed the door behind them.

"Magnus," Alec started with a conviction in his voice as he turned to face the warlock. After having had the time to rethink his decision in coming to Magnus' apartment, Alec had realized that, perhaps, this was a mistake in the making—one they couldn't afford to make because they had things to work through, things to talk about and even more things to figure out in their relationship. "Maybe we should—"

Alec never had the chance to voice his opinion, not with Magnus' lips closing over his—kissing him, pushing all rational thought from his mind as Alec clung to the warlock and the memory of the relationship they had once shared, and the hope that it would be, one day, back to normal.

It wouldn't, though. 

Not if Alec couldn't keep his wits about him, and that was next to impossible with Magnus' kisses growing more and more urgent. The warlock's hands already slipping beneath Alec's clothes in search of bare skin, and Alec knew he should stop Magnus before things got out of hand. It was easy to ignore the urge, however, with his lover's— _ex_ -lover's—hands on his body once more, igniting a fire within him. 

It burned, _seared_ through Alec's doubts and reservations until there was nothing but desire left—desire and shaky knees as Alec broke the kiss with a gasp, arching his chest into Magnus' talented hands as he thumbed Alec's nipples into hard peaks.

He was falling again, with no end in sight as he spiraled out of control and right back into his habit—his bad, bad habit. "Magnus…" Alec said breathlessly, though he wasn't sure if he meant to stop the warlock or urge him on. He wasn't even sure if it mattered anymore as Magnus' lips burnt a trail down the side of his throat, pausing to suck on his collarbone, surely leaving behind a mark that would draw questions come morning.

It felt so good, so familiar and comforting. It didn't _feel_ like the end of their relationship, even though that was the only outcome—even now—that Alec could see.

Magnus' hands left his skin, leaving Alec's shirt to come and rest on his clothed hips, but he could _feel_ Magnus' energy, his vitality burning through the material as his fingers dug into Alec's sides and the shadowhunter could see the unspoken question in Magnus' eyes. Alec knew, at that moment, he could refuse and walk away—perhaps forever—but he also knew that he didn't have the strength to do so.

So, Alec nodded and glanced towards the hall that led to Magnus' bedroom. There was no turning away now. No walking away. But, Alec found that he didn't want to walk away. Even though he knew he was on the threshold of making a huge mistake—it was a mistake he was suddenly willing to make if only he could have Magnus one last time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this would be the end, but somewhere in the writing process I found another chapter. As soon as I figure out how I want to end this, it'll be up! :)

Magnus' bed was just how Alec remembered it, how he'd imagined it in his dreams ever since he was banned from it. The bed was soft, luxurious and an experience within itself as he sank back into its smooth, satin sheets, the fabric cool against his overheated bare skin. His clothes were long gone, Magnus had been impatient and desperate to get him naked. Alec's clothes littered the hall outside of the warlock's bedroom, thrown without any thought or care as to where they ended up.

"Magnus," Alec prompted from the bed when Magnus made no move to join him, looking up at his lover—who was still frustratingly overdressed while Alec lay completely nude in his bed—before frowning at the unreadable expression present on Magnus' face.

Alec shifted slightly—hesitantly, embarrassingly—before he reached for the sheets and pulled them over his waist, hiding himself from Magnus as he adverted his eyes from the man's intense gaze. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Alec asked, his cheeks heating with a flush that spread down his neck and onto his chest, as his old insecurities reared their ugly heads, but this time they were joined by a new panic: Magnus realizing what he was doing, what _they_ were about to do and changing his mind, taking it all away just when Alec finally realized how badly he wanted this. "D-don't look at me like that," the shadowhunter said softly, his voice wavering.

There was a few moments of silence, and then Alec felt the bed shift. He turned to see Magnus pressing a knee into the mattress, leaning close to him—so close that Alec could feel the day old stubble of Magnus' cheek rub against his own. "I never thought I'd get see you like this again," the warlock replied, his eyes dark and shining in the dim light as he pulled away from Alec's ear and caught his blue-eyed gaze. "I didn't think you'd want me again, and here you are…" Magnus admitted softly, a note of awe in his voice. "…in my bed, ready to be mine."

Suddenly, Magnus' eyes closed and his body tensed, and Alec could _feel_ the overwhelming emotion coursing through the warlock at that moment, because he could feel it too. He _had been_ feeling it ever since Magnus turned away from him and left him.

"I never stopped wanting you," Alec said softly, proud that his voice didn't shake as Magnus' eyes opened again and their gazes met. Alec could see the spark of hope in his lover's eyes, and he wanted to grab onto it—protect it and nurture it until it birthed a new flame between them, but it wasn’t to be. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.

The shadowhunter lifted his hand, cupping Magnus' cheek as Alec's gaze turned stern. "But that doesn't change anything," Alec pointed out softly, his chest tightening at the heartbreak he saw in Magnus' cat-like eyes as his own words were used against him.

_Not that that changes anything._

The words from that night hunt heavily between them; unspoken, but loudly heard and the meaning was still the same, cold and cruel as it may have been—they still loved each other, maybe they always would, but it wasn't enough anymore. They both needed more from the other and 'more' wasn't what they were willing to give at the moment and, it was then that Alec could see an out. It hovered between them with his hurtful words, and should Alec choose to take it, he could end it all right here and now. He could walk away before what was left of their relationship was damaged beyond repair, but Magnus moved too fast. He didn't even give Alec a moment to think.

Magnus pushed forward, crushing their lips together in a passionate kiss and then his hands were on Alec's body, pulling the sheet away and exposing him; touching and caressing any bare skin he could reach, all the while chasing away Alec's fears and reservations. Alec knew, he _knew_ that sex couldn't be used as a band-aid. It wouldn't fix anything between them. In fact, it could serve to make things worse, but God, did he want the man as he had never wanted him before.

Magnus pushed him back against the bed, pressing their bodies together as he nipped at Alec's bottom lip, making the young man gasp before Magnus' tongue rushed in and Alec just drank it all in—shivering violently as he rocked his hips against Magnus' knee, staining his sleeping pants with precum as Alec's fingers curled and tugged at the warlock's clothes, wanting them gone.

Suddenly, with a snap that seemed to echo throughout the room, there was nothing between them; no clothing, no boundaries, _nothing_ left to keep them apart as Alec's hand scrambled to touch every inch of his lover's skin. He found himself wanting more and more as they ground their hips together, their arousals slick and wet and trapped between them.

Alec broke the kiss to cry out, his fingers digging into the warlock's sides as Alec hooked a leg around Magnus, holding him there as Alec begged him not to stop—to _never_ stop as Magnus bucked into Alec and he rolled his hips against Magnus. Their pleasure soared and their bodies shook, and Alec could feel his release within his grasp as his fingernails dug into Magnus' hips.

"Please, please, please," he murmured raggedly, brokenly against Magnus' shoulder as his strong arms encased him, clutching the comforter on either side of Alec's head as Magnus panted, the sound soft and rough against Alec's ear.

Magnus tangled the fingers of one hand in Alec's hair, his fingers curling into a fist before his grip tightened—the hold almost painful—as Magnus groaned his name and jerked Alec's head back. Magnus' eyes blazed, though Alec couldn't see through the haze of pleasure, but he felt the bruising kiss Magnus laid upon him as he felt Magnus spend himself between their still moving bodies.

Alec closed his eyes, clenching them shut, as Magnus' hand wrapped around his erection and jacked him off swiftly, efficiently with a practiced ease that was only found between long-time lovers. He knew exactly how to please Alec, how to touch him to set him spinning off into an oblivion of his own creation. And then, with a cry, Alec's balls tightened and his release covered Magnus' still moving hand in thick spurts.


	4. Chapter 4

Magnus was a comforting weight against his body, pressing him into the mattress and, well, this was one of his favorite parts of being intimate with Magnus: basking in the afterglow, holding on to those last few moments of bliss before the weight of the world crushed them. Alec held on, he grasped onto the last fading tendrils of the world they had created, not yet feeling the consequences baring down on him, but then Magnus shifted against him and the illusion was broken.

The warlock pushed himself up and smiled down at Alec. Magnus' eyes were bright, twinkling, and filled with such love and devotion—all of it directed at him, all of it making his heart clench as regret slammed into Alec, hitting him full force. He turned away from his lover, breaking their gaze before it became too much to bear, too much to hide from, but he moved a moment too soon.

Magnus' lips pressed against his jaw; nipping, sucking and licking their way to Alec's neck before burning a trail of fiery kisses along the side of his throat, sucking the fleshy lobe of Alec's ear into his mouth. Alec found himself choking back a groan—his ear was a sensitive place that Magnus knew well and liked to exploit. Alec closed his eyes as Magnus nibbled and suckled at his earlobe, biting on his lower lip as he fought against the pleasure. 

He tensed beneath Magnus as he tried to control his body's reaction, but it was second nature to Alec. He always fell to Magnus' touch, his body seemed to be programmed that way. He just reacted and that compulsion was next to impossible to ignore, but somehow, he had to.

"Magnus," he said softly, hoping to gain the other's attention as he pressed his hands against Magnus' chest to push him away. "Stop," he commanded, but the warlock didn't listen. He made no move to stop. He continued his ministrations, moving back to Alec's neck to lick, suck and nip a mark onto his skin and Alec nearly arched into it. He almost turned his head to the side to bare his neck for the treatment, but Alec caught himself. " _Magnus_!" He hissed, his tone not to be confused with a pleasured sigh.

It was enough to stop the warlock and then, with a heavy sigh that cascaded across Alec's neck, Magnus rolled off of him. He laid next to him instead, an arm propping his head up as he watched the younger man. "What's the—" he started to say as Alec pushed himself up, awkward tugging the sheet back over himself with a deep frown marring his features. "Alec…" Magnus tried again, sounding worried as he laid his hand over Alec's arm to stop him from moving as he slid to the edge of the bed. "What's wrong?"

"What's…wrong?" Alec repeated in wonder, a note of surprised awe in his voice as he turned to look at Magnus with wide eyes. He shook his head, quickly looking away again before pushing a hand through his hair. "What's _wrong_?" He said again before laughing softly, almost hysterically. " _This_ is wrong, Magnus—what we just did? That's wrong. It shouldn't have happened."

"But it did…"

Alec snorted softly at Magnus before shaking his head again and then, slowly, he rose to his feet as he gathered the sheet around him. "It doesn't change anything—I told you," he replied, almost viciously. "We can't fix this with sex, Magnus, and I'm not going to pretend it didn't happen and—" He paused at that, swallowing painfully as tears choked him. "And it hurts too much to love you," he finished softly, painfully, swallowing a cry before he left the room, only stopping to gather his clothes and dress before he walked out of Magnus' apartment and, perhaps, his life all together.


End file.
